Wednesday, October 11, 2006
its been a few days ever since i blogged.. haiz.. Today, I dun feel very gd.. am i gonna die soon? jus a little bit of exercise and I am already so exhausted. i think the fats are getting to me. they're gonna block my arteries and soon i'll be on my deathbed, with plenty of flowers surrounding me. everyone around me would be very very sad. nono.. I dont like to die like tt. everything shld be different in my life! because I am different from other people. for good or for bad. I know I am different, I just know.. I think I am suffering from depression. I think its because of my low self esteem. but its not really considered as low self esteem if its the facts right? so I am just depressed. for everything tt happened throughout my life. I didnt have a good life in the past and not now either. I am bothered by the matters of the past and I cant seem to get away from it. I know everyone has regrets but I regret everything I do. everything. If time could turn back.. no.. if i could have another chance to be someone else.. just once.. since i cant then I shall try to make my funeral the best! the most unique! to mark the death of this very depressed little girl. how very different it would be if your loved ones were happy over your death. then you wouldnt feel so bad leaving them all. so everyone starts to bring in their portable hi-fi and dance to the beat of CRAZY FROG!! beep beep beep beep beep...... and there would be a buffet with cocktails. and there would be a huge disco light ball in the middle of the church and the only lights visible would come from the light ball.. then all the nuns and the priests starts to dance as well.. and the choir group would start to sing a cheerful song! everyone would be very very happy and the church will give my momma n poppa 5 million dollars!! hehe.. i think i am crazy already.. its 10 15. do i want to sleep? no! hmm.. wads there tmr? ah! its a long day. tmr we are gonna get back our literature results. oh no. i'm banging on my lit to promote. my life depends on it. what if i fail? in which i most probably would? what if mr dore comes up to me and say 'sorry gal, u missed the mark this time' ahhh!! haiz. dear god pls bless me. oh yes yes! despite all the bad stuff, something touching actually happened today. my younger sis (intellectually disabled) who didnt fancy talking to me actually came home and shouted for me. my mum called me and i spoke to her over the phone, telling her tt i'll be back very soon. i felt really touched aft tt.. she made everything worthwhile. she made life beautiful.. she showed me tt life could be very simple. if only you didnt think too far. just focus on whats ard you. she taught me most. and right now, shes showing me her dance moves again! she loves lin jun jie and i think i can remember the lyrics of everyone of his songs.. lol.. ok this entry is really long.. i shld end here.. nitez everyone!!
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
