Part 3
2003 June
Hehe was afraid of Ghosts and hates watching Horror movies. Haha on the other hand was not afraid at all. He forces Hehe to watch horror movies with him. They watched so many that Hehe lost count. However, Haha knows that Hehe is scared and he sends her home everytime until it became a habit and soon he sends her home even though they didnt watch any horror movie. The most significant 1 was watching Ju On (1 of the scariest horror movie). When they were at the theatre, Hehe didnt dare to look at the screen and she keep burying her hand under her jacket. Each time Haha would attempt to pull the jacket down so that Hehe gets to see the scary parts. It was then, while Hehe was covering her head and mumbling some words that she realised that Haha didnt respond at all and she felt that something was staring at her. She turned and saw Haha staring at her, straight in the eye. For that few seconds no words were exchanged. Everything was still flowing normally except the both of them. Hehe then asked "whatcha lookin' at?" Haha didnt say anything and shifted his focus back to the screen again. Hehe felt that something was different but she couldnt quite tell what is..
Hehe was so freaked out by the movie that she knew very well that she wouldnt be able to sleep. So Haha promised to keep her company on phone throughout the night. They talked and talked, it was usually Haha who kept the conversation going. Before they knew it, it was already 5am in the morning. Hehe could tell that Haha was tired as his voice got softer but they continued talking until his mum woke up and shoo him off to bed. Hehe was thankful to everything that Haha had done but she kept her feelings to herself. She know that he was more than a friend and she knows that Haha felt the same way too..
Hehe felt that she wasnt good enough for Haha as she was fat and not smart.
There was this time, Hehe skipped taekwondo lesson(at night) and Haha came to pick her up in clementi when he was initially in ghim moh. Haha, Hehe, together with dex (Hehe's friend, who skipped taekwondo as well) went to ghim moh as it was still early. Dex went home as he was too bored while Hehe and Haha went to meet Haha's friends. The next day, Haha told Hehe that one of his friend asked if Hehe was his girlfriend because she thinks that Hehe is pretty and that he made a good choice(well. shes probably blind). Anyway, Hehe was happy and she smiled to herself thinking that for once, shes good enough for him. She was elated. However, Haha thought that Hehe was happy that someone praised her and Haha mocks at her.
Hehe was hurt and embarrassed at the same time..

Part 2
Haha and Hehe continued being normal friends, chatting via the internet.
Nov 2002
Haha told Hehe that a girl was interested in him but he had no feelings for her. He asked her to pretend as his girlfriend so that the girl wouldnt be so sad and would slowly give him up.
Hehe agreed, although unsure whether it was the right thing to do.
(after alot of crap again..)
One day, Hehe had to do something in the morning and had to go out again in the afternoon and so there is a few hours of free time in which she doesnt want to go home. Thus Haha accompanied her. They took a cab down Great World City, just to linger around till time's up. Haha paid for the cab fare and Hehe was not happy about it because she has a principle that girls should pay on her own. They both got a drink and walked around Great World, chatting and more chatting since Great World = Ghost Mall. Soon, time's up and he has to go for his badminton training while Hehe has to go join her friends. She kept insisting that she pays him for the cab fare, and along the way they were trying to push the money to each other.
That was their first outing.

sad.. sad.. although many good things happened today, just 1 incident was enough to spoil the day. I'm sort of having a mixed feeling right now. I know that blogs are for free expression and not for good impression, but there are some things that I am not able to say to everyone. not that anyone wans to listen.. lol.. anyway too sad now to blog. My heart was crushed, teared apart, stomped upon and sent to the bin, all at the same time.. that very moment. no words to describe.. feels like hell..

Part 1
One night in sept 2002.. The story starts here..
On IRC (well, it was still considered 'cool' at that time)
murderer(his nickname): hi..
(after alot of crap...)
murderer: lets meet
freeze510(her nickname): sure.. school gate, 7 am.
The next day, 'Haha'(murderer) never showed up and 'hehe'(freeze510) waited till 715 when it was time for school.
Haha said that he was late so he didnt make it and they decided to meet again. same place same time.
He didnt turn up.. again.. and this time, he said he was sick.
So they remained as chatmates.. chatting on irc and smsing via handphones.
Hehe had no idea how Haha look like, while Haha already knew who Hehe was.
One day, Hehe had a quarrel with her clique and cried on her way home. She didnt know that Haha was behind her all the time. She thought she was alone.
Then Haha overtook her and Hehe, feeling slightly better, had a feeling that that guy was Haha, although she wasnt quite sure yet. That night, true enough, Haha smsed her and told her that he was that guy who overtook her..

Part 1
One night in sept 2002.. The story starts here..
On IRC (well, it was still considered 'cool' at that time)
murderer(his nickname): hi..
(after alot of crap...)
murderer: lets meet
freeze510(her nickname): sure.. school gate, 7 am.
The next day, 'Haha'(murderer) never showed up and 'hehe'(freeze510) waited till 715 when it was time for school.
Haha said that he was late so he didnt make it and they decided to meet again. same place same time.
He didnt turn up.. again.. and this time, he said he was sick.
So they remained as chatmates.. chatting on irc and smsing via handphones.
Hehe had no idea how Haha look like, while Haha already knew who Hehe was.
One day, Hehe had a quarrel with her clique and cried on her way home. She didnt know that Haha was behind her all the time. She thought she was alone.
Then Haha overtook her and Hehe, feeling slightly better, had a feeling that that guy was Haha, although she wasnt quite sure yet. That night, true enough, Haha smsed her and told her that he was that guy who overtook her..

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

It didnt take me too long to realise that I had been aimlessly drifting in this dimension for 17 years already! so I questioned myself, how would I want my life to be when I grow up. You see, like any other 17 year old adolescent, I aim to be rich one day, but then I slowly realised that I wasnt capable enough to start off with. so what am I going to do? Already 1 year of college life had passed and I still do not have any idea of what I want to be. I was chatting with Eunice the other day and she wants to be an Economic advisor, helping out poor countries. I think its a very interesting job and I too have the passion to help poor people. However, I know very well that my parents would not agree to this. Although my family plays a huge role in my depression, I know that I would never be able to shake off my responsibility. vanessa says she wants to be a lawyer. Thats my initial aim as well. but since I came into jjc , it seems that everyone wants to be a lawyer and thus, high competition will push me out of the society. but vanessa says that we have a lack of lawyers now, in which I really doubt since so many of them want to be lawyers. therefore, I decided to be a psychologist, but Eunice said that I have to have a masters to be a psychologist. A normal degree would probably land me up in counselling. well. about an hour ago I was in my dad's car and he was passing by boat quay(or clarke quay, I'm not too sure), and I saw the houses by the riverside and I was reminded of the time A06(well at least more than half of A06) went to see the canterbury tales. And while looking for a place to have supper, we walked pass the apartments by the riverside. Full glass, romantic, dim lights, fully air-condition, it was totally the kind of apartment I want to live in at the age of 25. so I set a goal. I am going to aim high. and 1 day i shall get that apartment, together with some of my close friends and we are going to have fun first before its time to get married. Yes. that is the kind of life that I want to live. I am not sure of reincarnation so I have to go for it at all cost. If I can only live once, it had better be gd! haha.. Still cant forget the fact that we actually won the drama fest! haha! we didnt even expected it! when they announced A06! I was like, did they read out the wrong class? Did I hear wrongly? we all thought grease would win! It was so unexpected. I could really see the joy in everyone's faces. The pure joy!! Fook tien was so happy! he was like running down the steps and jumping up and down. EVeryone of us were running down. GLORY GLORY!! all the hard work. all the time and effort. It was worthwhile.. woo hoo!! we went to celebrate aft that. we actually wanted to go eat something good but we ended up going to banquet. -.- and then we went to play pool. ahh.. I lost all my skills! the last time i played was in sec 3 and after that we stopped and i had deteriorated ever since.. sad.. ahh! I wrote so much already?! Haha.. I'm so talkative!!

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

for the 1st time someone actually finds my blog funny!!yeah!! whoa! today is really tiring.. we had drama fest rehearsal from 1230 to 1900!!! sooo tired.. although i onli had 1 line 'step aside lady!' haha.. still very tired.. ah! these few days have been rather tiring wif the moving hse prep n sch stuff.. nvm.. at least it helps me 2 forget some stuff.. n i dun have to keep thinking n thinking and getting sad n demoralized all of a sudden.. i dunno why.. i jus cant stop thinking.. its always the case isnt it? well.. i'm not sure.. sometimes when i have nth better to do. i'll jus think and think and think.. sooner or later, my head is bound to get even bigger which is not a gd thing cos my head already cannot fit into the straw hat for the drama fest. if my head gets bigger through the night, i would not be able to wear the hat tmr! oh my goodness..! i'd better stop thinking too much before things get worse.! haiz.. i have suddenly jus lost the motivation to type on so i guess i'll just stop here, or i'll onli type more crap and it aint gd so goodnight although its only 9 pm . the time where only crazy ppl lyk soon kheng would go to slp!

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

borrinngggg!!!!!! so so borrrinnnggg.... its 2 15 and I am still at home in my pyjamas.. doing nothing... shld i go to the library later? which 1? the queenstown 1? or the jurong 1? wad book shld I borrow? maybe i shld really go and spend the rest of the afternoon in the library.. doing more useful stuff lyk reading.. all alone? yes.. all alone.. sounds so loner.. but sounds just lyk me.. so i am a loner! ok! fine!!! i admit!! ahhh... should i get a laptop or a desktop? the salesman told me a laptop is more practical since I am in jc.. but a desktop has a longer lifespan... so what should I get? haiz.. I am about to move out from my house.. should be around the end of the month.. goodness. so stressed.. moving house stuff.. chinese a level.. projectwork.. volleyball.. laptop.. dramafest.. shopping.. ( ok shopping is not really included..) and alot more! goodness!! so many things to do!!! so little time.. but i m not gonna stress myself.. as you can see.. I am still on a relax mode.. one of my many mottos in life: relax today stress tomorrow.. you might not even live pass today.. so yup!!! not gonna stress too much.. btw.. does everyone have the problem of wanting to shit in the library?? i get that sometimes.. i think its because of the temperature.. too cold.. makes me wanna shit.. so i am gonna shit first before I go.. ... ... ... i cant shit.. haiz.. not now.. so how? ok.. I am gonna try sitting on the floor.. maybe it'll cool my butt and help me shit... so goodbye!!!!

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

its been a few days ever since i blogged.. haiz.. Today, I dun feel very gd.. am i gonna die soon? jus a little bit of exercise and I am already so exhausted. i think the fats are getting to me. they're gonna block my arteries and soon i'll be on my deathbed, with plenty of flowers surrounding me. everyone around me would be very very sad. nono.. I dont like to die like tt. everything shld be different in my life! because I am different from other people. for good or for bad. I know I am different, I just know.. I think I am suffering from depression. I think its because of my low self esteem. but its not really considered as low self esteem if its the facts right? so I am just depressed. for everything tt happened throughout my life. I didnt have a good life in the past and not now either. I am bothered by the matters of the past and I cant seem to get away from it. I know everyone has regrets but I regret everything I do. everything. If time could turn back.. no.. if i could have another chance to be someone else.. just once.. since i cant then I shall try to make my funeral the best! the most unique! to mark the death of this very depressed little girl. how very different it would be if your loved ones were happy over your death. then you wouldnt feel so bad leaving them all. so everyone starts to bring in their portable hi-fi and dance to the beat of CRAZY FROG!! beep beep beep beep beep...... and there would be a buffet with cocktails. and there would be a huge disco light ball in the middle of the church and the only lights visible would come from the light ball.. then all the nuns and the priests starts to dance as well.. and the choir group would start to sing a cheerful song! everyone would be very very happy and the church will give my momma n poppa 5 million dollars!! hehe.. i think i am crazy already.. its 10 15. do i want to sleep? no! hmm.. wads there tmr? ah! its a long day. tmr we are gonna get back our literature results. oh no. i'm banging on my lit to promote. my life depends on it. what if i fail? in which i most probably would? what if mr dore comes up to me and say 'sorry gal, u missed the mark this time' ahhh!! haiz. dear god pls bless me. oh yes yes! despite all the bad stuff, something touching actually happened today. my younger sis (intellectually disabled) who didnt fancy talking to me actually came home and shouted for me. my mum called me and i spoke to her over the phone, telling her tt i'll be back very soon. i felt really touched aft tt.. she made everything worthwhile. she made life beautiful.. she showed me tt life could be very simple. if only you didnt think too far. just focus on whats ard you. she taught me most. and right now, shes showing me her dance moves again! she loves lin jun jie and i think i can remember the lyrics of everyone of his songs.. lol.. ok this entry is really long.. i shld end here.. nitez everyone!!

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Finally! did so many things todae! whahahaha!! went 2 my little aunt's wedding todae. lesson learnt: marriage is a lifelong commitment. take it seriously. when i sat down n waited for the bride, i cant help but wonder how shld my wedding be lyk in time 2 come. hee.. i thought of diving down 2 the deepest part of the ocean n den saying my vows wif the love of my life.. how romantic.. but den again.. i'd probably die before i even get 2 sae em. n how unromantic to sae 'I do' n the other party doesnt noe wad u r saying bcos wad wld b comin out frm ur mouth wld onli be bubbles bubbles n more bubbles! so all u hear is 'bloop bloop' n every1 starts clapping n u cant even hear em clap.. n one of the audience wld start 2 whisper to the other party thinking tt he wouldnt b caught.. haha! he thought wrong! cos the stream of bubbles would come out frm his mouth n every1 wld turn n stare at this terrible man wif their cool goggles! n he wld try 2 apologise but all tt comes out again is 'bloop bloop' haiz.. so no underwater wedding for me.. so i came out wif my conclusion aft awhile.. tt is i wld have my wedding in the garden.. green green grass of hope. the sun warm and inviting.. the place wld be filled wif white classy chairs and a red carpet. flowers surrounding the area where the pastor stands. cool.. hee... ok.. enough of the wedding. so the solemnization ends n marks the beginning of everlasting relationship of the lovely couple.. den i went for retail therapy.. didnt really buy much... ahh!! i regretted not buying the sims cd!! ahhh!!! now i have 2 go back tmr just to buy it. haiz. cant wait for tmr! cant wait to play the sims!! woohoo!!! bye

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

promos r finally over.. but I m not happy... dunno if i can promote, but its too late to regret.. so i guess i'll jus sit n pray n meanwhile enjoy myself.. aww.. i cant believe tis.! i shouldnt have promised ming n sk tt i'll lose 3 kg in a mth n a day! tts lyk nv gonna happen cos i'm soooo lazy! i actually wanted 2 go gym todae but ended up running errands wif my mum.. well its not as if i can help it.. I HAD TO HELP MY MUM!! haha.. tokin bout my mum.. shes now busily trying 2 apologise to my dad for ramming his car to the wall tis aftnoon.. lol! i was dere as well.. n i can onli say.. onli she is capable of tt! so now i m all ready for dinner wif my parents.. tt is.. if my dad doesnt blow up aft he finds out.. hee!! but i had fun todae.. mostly sitting in the car while my mum does her stuff.. the climax of the dae.. woohooo!!!! I actually went to shit todae! n omg! i totally bombed the toilet! woohoo! 1st it started hard.. n den slowly.. slowly.. it turned watery.. cool huh?! but it hurts lyk hell! Gosh! i had to hold both sides of the laundry basket n chew on my bathing towel! n my toes were lyk forced apart! each toe was lyk 1 cm away frm each other! haha!! i shld write a book on tis! n den in 20 yrs 2 come i'll commit suicide lyk sylvia plath.. n my husband will publish my works.. n i'll get famous.. n the JC literature class will use my works for a levels n write a commentary on me. n they'll write 'stella has the talent of masterful use of detail n description to create character and atmosphere.. lol... ok gtg for dinner.. goodbye!!!

May your light shine...
in the darkness...