Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Just a Random Pic Sze Ying took
Today marks the end of my official school days in JJC for yr 2007, and the start of many other things! I'm gonna get a job, and live my life fully to compensate the loss of freedom for the past few mths. My day today was dreadful one.. Had cramps in sch(and only in sch) and was feeling uneasy all over. Was late for math lesson, then again, math lesson itself was a dread, econs lecture was like listening to chantings and totally blew the opportunity to sing wif my sis when I insisted that she pay.. haha.. I was actually just kidding with her but on a serious note, its rather expensive. The only fruitful thing was lit lecture where we get to continue the movie from yesterday, following the theme of identity, but we didnt get to finish it so i'm kinda like hanging in midway.. Funny cos 5 mins ago I had a sudden urge to blog but sorta lose it along the way.. Haha..random day,random blog.. Woo Hoo! Hello Holidays!!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Ha! Today is monday, couldnt find anything to do, so I decided to blog instead. Today is JJC's sports carnival and I made sushi for "the gang" (means friends) to try. The good thing was that they finished everything and the bad thing was the rice had not enough vinegar, which I totally agree thanks to me trying to save 4 bucks on high quality Japanese mitsukan. Today, I realised that basketball was a very cool thing. I mean.. like I already knew it was cool before, just never knew it was this cool.. Okay, I'm not speaking right.. Basketball really bonds people, like Wei Jian and the rest of the Ao1 bb guys. Ahh.. soon he will forget us and move on.. *sobs.. kidding. I finally understand why people take these events so seriously and that it is okay to do so. Its the glory, the faith inside telling you that you can win this, and so you must win. Cool huh.. Anyway our class won! Woo hoo.. Glory goes to 07A01!! WJ was like the star player, and a really gentleman indeed! Feeling all guilty after snatching that girl's ball.. aww.. (curse that guy with white shorts and red stripes! How dare he elbow girls! What a loser! ) Felt really happy when we won although I took no part in it! Still, looking at your friends striving so hard for something and reaping results makes me happy all the same. Okay enough of the game. After many hours of sitting under the sun, we went to JEC to eat, play arcade and pool. Left after awhile and Wei Jian suggested going to IMM to eat again, and it was like only a few hours later! These crazy people went to swensens for ice cream and of course I didnt have any! I'll be shooting myself right in the foot if I had done so! HA! Trying to tempt me with ice cream? No way Jose!! Maybe subway or that sinful bubble tea.. haha.. The 3 of them ate 10 scoops of ice cream! So sinful! and they are all like what? 38? 45kg? Hey god, this is unfair! hmm.. then again, they exercise so cant complain you lazy pig!!
Went home and managed to catch 'Hey gorgeous' on channel U. There were many of the candidates that were the 'abc' kind. In other words, its known as 'jiak kan tang' (eat potato). I really dont understand. You are a chinese, your roots are from china, you are a singaporean, you are supposed to know chinese, its your mother tongue language, china's market is developing, and chinese is important in relation to work and university admission. So why is the chinese language constantly being neglected in Singapore? Isnt it a disgrace? And it only applies to the chinese, since all malays know malay and all tamils know tamil? Dont you think its weird if you are a chinese and you say "I cant really speak chinese." Its like telling your mother you dont know her name, isnt it? I think its because people have this thinking that the english speaking people are 'cool' in Singapore, what a bimbotic thought. To this people, I can only say that there is nothing to be proud of seriously.. :x
Ahh.. finally I'm done! Yes! blogging like its friday since I really have nothing to do. Mum tells me to find a job and stop slacking.. haha
Friday, October 19, 2007
yes.. Its another friday to blog bout the week's events.. ahhh... havent been doing much lately.. the usual routine is jus sch, home, com, sleep, eat... boring... shld start exercising soon.. ah ha! blame it on the weather.. Its been raining non stop these few days and I hate rainy days when u cant go outside and have fun!
Oh yea.. this little short para is dedicated to Rae... So sorry, I think the boredom is giving me a headache so I tend to get a little easily irritated and and hot tempered. Forgive me if I didnt have the patience to listen to ur rantings and all.. of cos u can talk bout ur stuff, after all, that's wad frens r for right? (at least till A levels. *winks) And sorry, if u didnt noe i'm very sensitive to everything.. so its either I really noe wads on ur mind or i'm thinking too much.. n through experience, I cant change this.. bear with me okay? :D
hualalalallallalalaaa.. okay... lets save n go taiwan! I really really wanna go.. :D save hard okay!?
On thurs I went to kbox with rae, meng li and wei jian. It was lyk going with 2 aunties and a stone. Meng li is lyk a 50 yrs old obasan in disguise! If i'm not wrong we sang more of oldies than modern songs.. and weijian., stoned all the way, broke his record of singing 2 songs and couldnt get high no matter wad.. yawned so many time when he was wif us! haiz... haha.. but it was really worth it though.. To all avid kboxers, kbox is celebrating its 5th anniversary so happy hour rates are at $5+++ per pax. Its only for a limited time period so HURRY!!
okay.. shall end here to spare sometime deciding on wad to do tmr... :D
Friday, October 12, 2007
Dragging myself to blog since seok keeps insisting that I do and wouldnt rest until I type something in my post.. seriously almost brain dead and very restless.. Must be that ramen we had earlier today!
Ahh.. Friday is one to look forward to.. its the day whereby u can enjoy after school hours n hog on the computer for hours n hours without worrying if u'll be late for sch the next day. Den u look forward to Saturday! Another great day to chill out wif a couple of friends or sip a cup of coffee on a nice comfy couch at starbucks (or moonbucks by xiah junsu..lols.) Anyway... my point is, its supposed to be a great day n its Hari Raya Puasa! (although i dun c how its linked to me..) hmm.. Had lessons as per normal today and got back my lit paper 5.. haiz didnt do so great but not like I can change the fact now so I should stop whining.. Den we went to JP (Okay Seok.. this part is for you) n i swear it wasnt my idea to go to crystal jade.. I could've settled for kopitiam's zha jiang mian too n enjoyed it but i was dragged to crystal jade to spend more on the same bowl of ramen and its not like the atmosphere is tt great.. Den we saw 06A01 and admired at how their class bonded so well.. I guess its bcos all their characters are quite similar in nature and they give in to one another. I noe some of them and generally.. they r really nice ppl... some exceptions maybe? hmm.. not too sure.. haiz its really great to see them all so close and reflecting back on my class, its just very different. 06A06 can really bond when it comes to certain things but we'll nv really be close friends bcos most of us r very different with the main division between the chings n the ang mohs.. I dun even need to mention 07A01 bcos I dun even feel a sense of identity in that class excluding FR10. Its a pity seok is not in A01 cos i'll be abit more hyper rather than staring out of the classroom looking totally lost in another world.. At this point, I may have disgressed a little, so its back to crystal jade. I ordered my fav zha jiang la mian and some xin ji zhong gal ordered a bowl of spring onion noodles. The food was served very quickly (like they had pre-cooked it) and my bowl was much bigger than seok although the servings were the same. -.- Halfway through our lunch i realised that a couple of A01 guys who jus came were staring so i turned back n they were laughing at my big bowl. Jack said 'Whoa! ur bowl very big eh?' and asked 'You still wanna be a ball huh?' okay tt totally ruined lunch and I could imagine 8 bucks flushed into the drained jus like that.. haha.. Its not that bad la.. If you know me u would've realised bout my tendency to exaggerate.. Still.. that was a mean mean thing to say isnt it? Even if I was slim and pretty I wouldnt tell that to somebody.. But oh well.. the freedom of speech, couldnt interfere could I? And its not even like I upsized my bowl or smth.. The thing wif fat ppl.. they get picked on and once in a while you laugh along but most of the time you jus nod ur head n smile, covering the knife that is stabbing right through. eeaaccckkk!!!! The reality of life: If u're not happy, do smth, if u cant do smth, den live with it. Through media, beauty is determined by a strict set of criteria that has got nth to do wif the internal whatsoever. (yeayea... this post is getting draggy..) okay.. digressing again.. Den Seok took ages to finish her noodles ( yea.. I gorged on mine.. ) so i had to wait for her and started getting crazy aft an hr or so, which was a bad idea bcos she took another half an hr to laugh and finally resuming to her one strand a minute, noodle chewing process.. The funny thing was: it was so hot tt seok kept blushing non stop and she could nv concentrate on toking to me cos she was alwaes looking somewhere else, claiming that my face spoilt her appetite, like I had a great time wif hers..-.- And aft lunch we made a fool of ourselves at toys r us by mimicking spongebob(me) and elmo(seok) playing ball.. ha! she lost.. den we went to search for DBSK posters and pics but jp comics connection is very limited in DBSK supplies! so we got really bored and went to 2 travel agencies to grab some brochures on Taiwan! Nobody was interested to serve us.. haha.. Fun times nv last! so very soon it was time to part n seok had to rush hm to shit(she has got really good bowels n a serious bladder problem) while I had to drag myself to no. 500 to get plastic bags for flea market tmr.
Yeah! Its flea market tmr @ cine.! was clearing out my closet yesterday for clothes to sell and almost empitied the whole area. It den strucked me that I havent been shopping for ages..tsk tsk.. I'd rather spend the money on kbox and DBSK.. haha! mmm.. hopefully I can sell most of my clothes contributing to the stella needy fund which is running dry..
ahh.. getting tired now.. seok u'd better read every single word! I spent hrs on this!!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
yes.. like the title.. I'm having thoughts of death again.. I can almost see the disappointed faces on my mum and dad, nevertheless they will say 'its okay, just try your best thats all that matters'. But it isnt like this, the fact is that I havent put in enough effort. I didnt try my best. and now all I can do now is pray. Regrets are for losers I always tell myself. and I am the loser. always finding excuses for myself. Laziness lingers within me. 'I cant adapt', 'Its very different, you wouldnt understand' were the words I used to tell the rest. But I know, its all within me. I dont want to adapt. What a horrible child I am, always shouting at my parents, putting the blame on their genes that caused me so many miseries, while they just tolerated, loving me all the same, thinking I'm the smartest, with me they find security in future. My thoughts of death often gets disrupted by the angelic thoughts of my family, how they'll be so devastated, how they'll be unable to survive and carry on, how their hopes were crushed like a candy taken away from a little girl.
'Outsiders just dont understand us' my inner soul says, and they never will. The higher their hopes, the harder it is to break the news of my failure to them. and them saying that they wont pressure me just makes it worst. I've never felt so lost before, so lonely with no one to confess to, but recently it was made obvious, I am alone.
At times I'll blame god for neglecting me, for his refusal of allowing me to find happiness in journey of life, for giving me a family I cant talk to. My mum and dad, they have their own problems, my sister, one suffering from attention deficit hyperactive disorder and the other in her own world of men and money. I love them although it gets hard sometimes..
They'll just laugh at me when I fail and gloat over my misfortune thanking god that it didnt happen to them. They'll just take me as a mode of comparison and i'll make their day if they won me in something.
After awhile I've stopped believing in the existence of true friends as it really just means backstabbing. They backstab you because they dont wanna hurt you by telling you your bad points. Speaking your mind is not allowed in the friendship circle as that'll only mean you're noisy and you wouldnt have time to hear their problems. So having friends is like playing a game really, just have fun, or rather, just FOR fun.
If only it feels a little better after I wrote this, but it doesnt make a difference. I've stopped being too depressed now, but I know it'll haunt me later in the night, there'll be a crack that'll hurt once in while, now and then.
I've learnt that weaklings cry to sympathize with themselves and make themsleves feel better.
So I chose to cry..
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
